Sigh…

 

Any movie starring Marky Mark and Ronda Rousey is going to be ropey and Mile 22 is more than ropey – it’s dreadful.

 

As a hero, Wahlberg’s James Silva is patently obnoxious. Despite attempts at sympathy with a dreary montage of his troubled upbringing, the character just swears and bellows at anyone who dares breathe near him and, once he had stopped skulking around the female dressing rooms, I was desperate for him to take a bullet here – Wahlberg’s decisions to play such embarrassing action heroes (also: Transformers) makes Boogie Nights and The Fighter seem so long ago. There are other people in the movie, but they are all so bland and generic, they bleed into one overall depressing performance – apart from The Raid’s Iko Uwais, he was badass.

 

Intro scene aside – a decent infiltration attempt – there is really not a lot to get excited about. There are lots of gunfights, but even they lack any real intensity. Things go BOOM a lot and cars get driven fast. I don’t mean to sound so mocking or disingenuous to Mile 22 but it’s so by-numbers and uninteresting I find it hard to find many positives. The dialogue is horrific (see: Mark Wahlberg screaming "NO BIRTHDAY CAKE!" twice at two people celebrating a birthday. Idiot) and it’s all so very conventional you’ll be gasping for something fresh to happen.

 

It means something when an action thriller is simply boring. Add to that the problem of the lead character being a douchebag and his ‘squad’ being disposable and what do you have to cling to? The fact that time is transient and the end credits will arrive. Joining the ranks of Peppermint in 2018’s Hall of Shame for action flicks, Mile 22 boasts nothing of any note. Bland, generic and Wahlberg’s character is viciously unlikable – drive twenty-two miles the other way.

 

Still, it’s no Slender Man, though.